Hammerman Ikon

Hammerman Ikon Film Guide

Jupiter Ascending
2015
*
Director: Lana Wachowski, Lilly Wachowski
Cast: Channing Tatum, Mila Kunis, Sean Bean, Eddie Redmayne, Douglas Booth, Tuppence Middleton, James D'Arcy, Maria Doyle Kennedy, Samuel Barnett

Jupiter Jones, an unhappy cleaner from Chicago learns that she's intergalactic royalty. And off she goes to space to reluctantly stake her claim as the rightful owner of the Earth. For a decade and a half now, the Wachowskis have failed to meet the high expectations set by The Matrix. A movie that doesn't suck would be a good start. Here comes another over-designed science fiction epic with a terrible script. The story is just ridiculous, and the events unfold over two dull hours in a mix of long scenes of exposition and instantly forgettable CGI action set pieces. The performances are at par with the laughable characters. The gullible heroine repeatedly puts herself in danger so the stone-faced gravity-surfing action hero can save her. How romantic.