Constantine
2005
*
Director: Francis Lawrence
Cast: Keanu Reeves, Rachel Weisz, Shia LaBeouf, Tilda Swinton, Pruitt Taylor Vince, Djimon Hounsou, Gavin Rossdale, Peter Stormare

The delicate pact between God and Satan is hanging in the balance as evil spirits begin to manifest themselves in the physical world. John Constantine, a cynical exorcist who can see angels and demons, attempts to find out what’s going on while he helps a female detective whose twin sister allegedly killed herself. Francis Lawrence’s feature debut is loosely based on the Hellblazer comic. The source material hopefully has more merit than its film adaptation, which is nothing but a trashy religiously flavoured CGI blockbuster. The script by Kevin Brodbin and Frank A. Cappello features some incredibly silly scenes (taking a footbath with your shoes on transports you to hell) and its self-contained events never concern or involve the rest of humanity. The sketchy characters, none of whom resemble real people, feel like they were torn straight from the pages of the comic book. Why else would Constantine inconveniently wear a suit and tie. The equation is quite simple: a dreadful script + non-existent characterisation + overload of second-rate CGI = a load of unquantifiable rubbish. Keanu Reeves adds another embarrassing entry on his CV, and Peter Stormare (as Lucifer) challenges his own turn in The Brothers Grimm for the worst performance of 2005. Followed by a TV show in 2014.